Clinton Kelly, we ain’t!

It is with much shame that I declare to the world that I know who Clinton Kelly is, and on the occasional Saturday night, I choose to watch “What not to wear” in an effort to spend some quality time with my bride. I should actually watch it more, not for the fashion tips, but because two kids and a busy life limits the quality time I spend with my bride. But I digress…

My job in the morning is to wake the kids up and get them dressed for the day. If we’re going to Nannie’s or Nana’s, I don’t care if they go in their pj’s or a robot suit (which we have done). If we’re going to school or out in public, I pick out what they wear, and until recently, it hasn’t been up for discussion. That leads us to today!

Now that the boy is older, he is slowly but surely learning how to get himself dressed. We start the morning, like we ended last night….he’s got is underwear on backwards. I’m proud that he is able to get is underwear on, but there’s a running joke among the men in our family about the kind of man that where’s his underwear backwards, and it’s not good! I make him turn his “drawers” around like a good homophobic dad will do (tantrum #1). Next I pick out the pants, and a cool spiderman shirt, but he doesn’t like the pants because they’re not soft. After a couple other suggestions, I let him pick. I was so proud that he picked the camo pants!, only to find out that he wants to wear the spiderman shirt, which doesn’t match the camo at all, so I make him wear a dull gray shirt (tantrum #2). Now time for the shoes. Instead of wearing the normal good looking “run fast shoes”, he wants to wear the black Velcro homeless guy shoes. I balk. (tantrum #3) I hate these shoes for the sole reason that they look like the same shoes you see from the People at Wal-Mart website…you know, the 500lb slobby guy with a sweet mullet, that wears them with dirty sweat pants that are too short, and socks that don’t match! Yup, the very same shoes! Luckily, we only find one, and we agree on the standard “run fast shoes”, only for him to shout with exuberance “I found the other one daddy”! Oh Brother! At this point I give up, and he puts the shoes on the wrong feet and proudly walks away, only for me to notice that the camo pants are way too short and the white ankle socks are highlighted by 3 inches of bare leg! Yet again, I’m whipped, and to argue the point further is the definition of futility!

I know a good parent would have stopped this at tantrum #1, and normally I do. But I didn’t sleep well, and I didn’t want to deal with the drama that comes with a good butt-whipping.

Thankfully for my wife, I ain’t no Clinton Kelly…unfortunately, some days I’m no James Dobson either!