City Boys and Snakes

I have great memories of growing up as a “city boy”, most of which I wouldn’t trade for anything. We’d spend countless hours riding bikes along the paved roads, running through the houses that sat about 10’ apart from one another, swimming in the countless swimming pools, and doing all the fun things city kids do. On occasion, we’d hop on our bikes and venture into the undeveloped section of the neighborhood just hoping to find a new trail which would lead us into a new forest adventure. On these adventures it seems like each one of us was hoping to satisfy our inherent desire for some semblance of peace and quiet, and maybe we’d see a snake, or find some untapped resource we could claim our own. Unfortunately, instead of finding that pot of gold at the end of a 10 year old’s rainbow, all we’d find was a series of used condoms, hypodermic needles, or the occasional Playboy magazine.

Luckily for me, it wasn’t long before we entered Junior High and I met my good friend Clay. He was an odd lad because he was from the northern part of the county, and didn’t go to elementary school with the rest of the “regular kids”. It wasn’t long before we became fast friends and eventual partners in crime! One of the most fascinating things about Clay is that he was from a part of the world where neighborhoods were not in existence, all the roads were yet to be paved, and if they needed something, they had to “go to town”. Where my feet had only tread on plush San Augustine turf, and the occasional sun scorched pavement; he lived in a magical world where No-Trespassing signs served as an invitation to explore uncharted creeks, ponds, and the trees across the pasture served as a future sovereign fortress, if you only dare!!!

One great memory from Clay’s house comes while on a night of “wrapping” a house with toilet paper. We were only a few great throws into decorating the trees with the two-ply streams when I hear Clay whisper-yell at me to lay down in the ditch because headlights were coming down the road. Whilst we were laying there with fire ants covering our bellies, watching the lights come closer and closer, he decides to tell me that we needed to be really quiet because the man who owns the newly decorated house tends to be drunk, and is also a member of the Klan. With much horror, I watched the lights get closer and closer, the car slow down and eventually turn into the very driveway that crossed the fire- ant- infested- bar ditch we were lying in. Luckily, the driveway was long, and it took about 2 seconds after he passed before I realized Clay already had a head start on running down the road….truly no honor among thieves! Needless to say, I started running so fast I must have left skid marks in the road, but I’m sure they were only a small streak compared to the newly forming skid mark in my horror-filled- city-boy-tighty-whities! I was no Scout to this Boo Radley!

Today I sit here as a quickly developing country boy, who married his very own Scout! While my “Scout” isn’t quite as mischievous as Harper Lee’s, she’s gently guided me and encouraged me to find the place my soul has longed for all of these years, both in love and in location!!!

Angie laughs at me often, but I think one of her favorite laughs stems from watching her “city boy” transform into an honest to goodness country boy. She got a good laugh this weekend as I worked out at the well house. Now first let me say that our well house is known throughout the chicken snake world as “the cool place to be”, because more often than not, there’s a chicken snake napping in some odd corner of the house. The crappy thing is the chicken snakes can’t just lay in the middle of floor with a big flashing light pointing at them. Instead, they find the most obscure location, crawl into a tight ball, and just wait on the funny looking city boy to open the doors he so carefully built to keep them out! Yup, I honestly thought I could build a good set of doors with my own bare hands, and if the doors didn’t keep them out, I felt sure they would at least respect my hard work and not go in there….oh I know they were watching me, I could feel their beady little eyes on me the whole time!!! At any rate, like I good husband and daddy, I decide that the last few weekends would be a good time to give the area a good cleaning, so as to prevent future snake hang outs. So yesterday, much to my chagrin, I have to go into the well house to plug an extension cord in the back corner outlet. I swallow my fears ( because I do admit that I’m scared of snakes, and I hate the thought of going in there), I throw the doors open and stare down any slithering friend that might be waiting to make my acquaintance. After giving the house a good scan, I take a step inside and finally spot my nemesis. I didn’t know that chicken snakes could grow like anacondas, but I see this giant SOB wrapped around one of the rafters in the far corner of the well house…yup, the very same corner where the electrical outlet is! After slowly backing away, I run inside and tell my bride that I’m about to shoot a hole in our well house, and I was serious. Thankfully, she stopped short of laughing out loud at me, and then my country girl calmly told me that “chicken snakes are good snakes”. This is where we disagree and need to make a clear distinction. To this city boy, a “good snake” is the little 10” garter snake you see crawling across the concrete driveway on a sunny day!

Soooo, after this brief exchange, I decide Angie is dead wrong about the snake, but probably right that it’s not a good idea to shoot a hole in our well house. So I run out and grab my hoe, and when I get to the well house, I realize that somehow the giant anaconda chicken snake has disappeared. It’s been TWO FREAKING MINUTES! Instead of being excited, I realize that:

A) The snake is gone!
B) It’s only been two minutes, so the snake couldn’t go far and I have no idea where it is!

Unfortunately, it’s still early in the day and I spend the rest of the day looking over my shoulder and everywhere else to find the sneaky anaconda chicken snake! Despite my unhealthy fear, I was able to get a lot done without screaming like a girl every time I saw a stick that looked like a snake!

Now that I think about it, I have a new understanding of the Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. It goes like this. City boy Adam and Country girl Eve are strolling in the Garden of Eden one day when they come across Snakey Satan. City boy Adam says to Eve “ I need to find my sling shot and shoot that giant snake” After Country Girl Eve catches her breath from a good belly laugh, she says “Silly City boy Adam, Snakey Satan snakes are good snakes”. City boy Adam doesn’t want to look like a fool, so he lets Snakey Satan live, and it came back to bite them in the butt……all because of Eve!!!

If you’re still reading this, I apologize that I’ve taken such a circuitous route to make my point…so here it is: Like I said in my intro, I wouldn’t trade my memories that I have from growing up as a city kid, but even more, I wouldn’t trade the memories that I’m making now as I transform into a full blown country boy! I love my country girl with all my heart, and even though I often miss some of the conveniences that come with city life, I wouldn’t want to raise my kiddos anywhere else. Dadgummit, if it wasn’t for snakes, I’d have the greatest life in the world, and I smile with great anticipation as I think of the adventures my children will have on these few acres of family land!